Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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