i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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