i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
