Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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