youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
