We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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