I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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