if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
