I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
