Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
