I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
