The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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