There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
