Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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