This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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