we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
