wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
