I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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