I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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