i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
