so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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