Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Your face is a jimmy john
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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