i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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