I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
