I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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