it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
