marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
