just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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