i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am spending my child support on dildos
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
