and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
