There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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