At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
