Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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