Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
