I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
nutella sex= disaster
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
