At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
