The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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