what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
