are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
