put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
