She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
