As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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