Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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