I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
