he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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