I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
