You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
