I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
