Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.