The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil