the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?