Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did