The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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