im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
