worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.