I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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