what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.