HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
