chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.