Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.