he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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