i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I am morally bankrupt
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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