You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
