a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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