theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
