my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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