I hate your face
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
